The Good News
Parenting is perhaps is one of the most difficult things we will ever endeavour. However, when you have a blended family with biological children and step-children, four sets of grandparents, two mothers in-law, your ex, your spouse’s ex, and other extended family members thrown into the mix things, can get very complicated, very quickly. In fact, it may even get ‘Messy’!
Most of the problems in any stepfamily or blended family situation are a result of the ‘Blended’ dynamics, not the people involved.
When stepfamilies or stepparents receive guidance, support and direction tailored to the unique challenges experienced in their situation, they radically increase their chances for success in building stable, healthy families
There are 3 great reasons why we marry again!
Life together is just happier!
We have a need to belong. We are social by design and we need one another to survive and thrive! Belonging allows the foundation of our security to broaden, securing us emotionally, spiritually, relationally, financially and even secures our physical health.
We have a need to love and be loved. Last time I checked, the desire to live together and pull together has not waned one iota – despite marriages failing. Loving is in our DNA!
The Beatles sang it... it must be true! “All you need is Love... Dunta-Dunta Da... Love is all you need”!
Without love we are a mere shell of what we were meant to be. We not only love the feeling of love, but we intuitively know we are stronger and better when we love.
We need love and we need to belong but we are dynamic! We are not static creatures; we have a need to keep moving, growing and becoming. When we are moving, learning, growing, developing and maturing we are the happiest.
This is not just a romantic ideal. It is not just Hollywood. It is a clinical fact. Families make us stronger. Close relationships make us more stable, more patient and more secure, in order for us to continue to be challenged.
The fact is that we are straight up happiest when we share our life with someone else. My sister had this little plaque sitting on the top of her old box TV. It read, “A sorrow shared is a sorrow halved, a joy shared is a joy doubled!” When it comes to the challenges and celebrations of life – there is none better than family. It is no wonder that when Canadians and Americans are asked what is the most important thing in their life, the same quick response flows from their smiling lips... ‘family’.
Why do we get married again, following death and divorce?
It’s really quite simple. We are best when we are together. We are a little more complete together than the most complete person is alone.
I don’t know about you, but the most important thing to me on this earth is family.
How these relationships function is of utmost importance. When something is of value to us, we care for it. We watch it carefully and ensure its safety.
WHY IS THIS?
Well, I guess our parents’ generation, and the one before that, seldom considered divorce. It is a new day, and our expectations of marriage have increased dramatically. We have grown to want more from our relationships and ourselves, both as a society and as individuals.
We expect to be loved, feel loved and experience togetherness, tenderness, equality and romance. We want to experience more, do more, learn more and develop more.
However, we do not always know how to create effective, successful and reciprocal relationships. It has been hard; however, we are learning not to blame our partners but admit that we equally contribute to the failure and successes of our relationships. We are leaning to admit we have baggage as well. With the assistance of a counselor we can begin to unpack and sort through our history.
Some of us take more time to clean our homes than to work on our marriages. Others watch and adjust their investment portfolios more than their most prized relationships. And many of us spend fifty times more financial resources on keeping our cars working than on our marriages. Reality check!
Today we understand more what makes for successful relationships. We know that you can learn how to communicate more effectively. You can develop the skills to manage anger and resolve highly intense conflicts. You can navigate through power struggles and advance into realms of advanced intimacy.
We need to turn our attention back to the main focus of family - love and respect. Family needs to work for everyone!